Why Dating Apps Suck Especially If You’re Muslim

Let’s be real. Dating apps were supposed to make things easier in this post covid. But for a lot of us especially Muslim women, they’ve just added a new layer of emotional chaos.

The halal/haram anxiety, the awkward small talk, the ghosting, the unmatched values dressed up in “looking for something serious” bios… it’s exhausting. And somewhere between the swipes, many of us started asking: Where is the depth?

Muslim Guilt Is Real (Even If You're Just Browsing)

There’s always that internal tug-of-war:

“Am I doing something wrong?”

Even if your niyyah is pure, even if you’re genuinely looking for a life partner, it still feels like you’re navigating a gray area. I think there’s no blueprint for how to date Islamically in a digital world where our parents have given up. So we’re all kind of winging it… and feeling guilty about it.

It’s Like a Job Interview With No Real Vibes - Dating

Muslim dating apps are either way too intense (marriage in the first three texts) or just painfully dry.

“Where are you from?”

“What do you do?”

“When are you planning to settle?”

It feels more like a LinkedIn pitch than an actual conversation. And when you do vibe with someone? They either live across the country or disappear mid-convo like you imagined them.

We Want Purpose, Not Performative Piety

There’s a difference between someone who writes “I pray five times” in their bio and someone who lives with real spiritual intention.

Muslim women often get approached by guys who mean well but bring no real compatibility, depth, or emotional maturity to the table.

You can’t build a marriage on vague values and vibes.

We’re looking for substance. For purpose. For someone whose actions match their words and whose soul matches our energy.

Attraction Is Also a Thing For Us

Yes, we want to be attracted to our future spouse too. It's not only the men who are visual creatures. That also doesn’t make us shallow, it makes us human. But say that out loud, and suddenly it’s:

“Oh, so you care about looks more than deen?”

No. We care about both. We want someone we’re excited to wake up next to and build Jannah with.

Why is that too much to ask for?

Swiping Changed How We See People And Not in a Good Way

Apps have rewired our brains. Swiping constantly makes you think someone better is always one scroll away. While it's somewhat true due to the algorithms of the apps but it’s made real connection feel disposable.

And if you’re someone who thrives off personality? You’re at a disadvantage. Some people don’t photograph well. Some people shine in real life, not in bios or filtered selfies. But they get skipped over for someone who fits the “aesthetic.”

And let’s not ignore the worst part: Apps give the wrong men too much confidence.

Guys who wouldn’t even approach you in real life now think they have a shot with a 10/10 girl. They match her. Trauma dump on her. Future-fake her. Then ghost her, leaving her confused, drained, and questioning her worth.

Not because she wasn’t enough but because he was never ready in the first place.

I’d Rather Build the Space Than Keep Swiping in It

I’ve tried dating apps. I really have. And if I’m being completely honest? They make me want to throw up.

The small talk. The forced conversations. The emotional labor. It’s not for me.

I’m a 80% percent (come on, looks do matter, I ain't no Angelina Jolie but at least i keep it clean) a personality-over-looks kind of woman. I’m entertaining. Financially stable. I can cook. I’m smart. I’ve got drive and passion. I’m grounded in both deen and dunya. I bring peace and power to the table.

But somehow, the guys I match with are: Emotionally unavailable Financially confused Spiritually disconnected Mama’s boys Look like they live under a rock And worst of all, completely unaware of the gem they just fumbled.

So instead of staying stuck in this digital mess, I’m shifting my energy into something better.

I want to create more in-person events in Atlanta, real, intentional spaces that bring people together. No swiping. No filters. Just energy. Presence. Spaces where people can connect through vibes, values, and actual eye contact not algorithms.

Because I believe in the power of real-world connection. Of hearing someone’s laugh. Of watching their face light up when they talk about what they love. Of feeling something shift when two souls align in real time.

Finally

Dating apps might work for some. But for me? If love is written, it won’t need a screen.

I’m not waiting to be discovered on a profile. I’m out here building spaces, living intentionally, and trusting that the right soul will find mine in a way that feels real, warm, and meant to be.

Until then, I’ll be online but feeling nauseous. Until next time, Peace 💖

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