When Ambition Pulls You Away From God: Carrying the Guilt of a Life That’s Moving Too Fast

There’s a kind of exhaustion that doesn’t show in your eyes, it shows in your soul.

People see the entrepreneur, the consultant, the girl balancing a full-time job and a full-time dream, the one who somehow keeps the household running while chasing every ambition she whispered to Allah in sujood.

What they don’t see is the guilt.

The quiet guilt that sits in your chest like a stone.

Because when life gets busy, the first thing that slips isn’t the work.

It’s the peace.

It’s the prayers.

It’s the version of you that you promised Allah you’d always protect.

The Guilt of Missing Prayers While Trying to Survive Your Own Life

There are days I’m running on four hours of sleep and even that feels generous. Days where I’m answering emails at 3am, building proposals half-asleep, juggling meetings, managing clients, managing myself, and somehow keeping life stitched together with whatever energy is left.

And somewhere in that chaos…Ṣalāh slips.

Not because I don’t care.

But because I’m drowning.

And each time I miss a prayer, the guilt creeps in like a shadow:

How are you running after the dunya and forgetting the One who gave you the strength to run?

That question breaks me every single time.

Knowing Rizq Comes From Allah…But Still Feeling Like You’re Failing Him

Deep down, I know the truth: My rizq was never in my hands.

Every client, every check, every opportunity, it was already written.

But when you’re living in survival mode, when your days bleed into your nights, when you’re holding your entire life together with hustle and dua…It’s hard not to feel like you’re letting Allah down.

Sometimes it feels like He helped me get here, gave me the resources, opened the doors, blessed me with the ideas and somewhere along the way, I abandoned Him while trying to honor the blessings He gave me.

It’s a guilt that has no name but feels heavier than anything else I carry.

The Version of Me I Wish I Could Be

In an ideal world?

I’d read a page of Qur’an every morning.

I’d pray on time, peacefully, not rushing to my next task.

I’d learn my deen with clarity, presence, intention.

I’d slow down enough to feel my own heart.

I’d be consistent with the gym, with eating, with taking care of the body Allah entrusted to me.

But right now?

Right now I barely eat some days.

Right now the gym feels like a luxury, not a routine.

Right now my life is one long sprint and I don’t remember the last time I rested without guilt.

Right now my soul is starving even when my schedule is full.

And that’s what hurts the most.

The Overwhelm No One Talks About

People glorify the grind until it becomes your lifestyle. But they don’t talk about the nights you feel spiritually empty. They don’t talk about the moments you wonder what any of this is for. They don’t talk about being successful in the dunya while feeling bankrupt in your heart.

Some days I look at my life and ask myself:

What am I really doing?How can I make my life better?Why does it feel like I’m losing myself while trying to build everything else?

The truth is, maybe this overwhelm is a sign. Not that Allah is disappointed in me, but that He is calling me back.

Maybe the Guilt Is Not Punishment, But Guidance

One thing I’ve learned is this: If Allah wanted to let me go, my heart would feel nothing.

This heaviness, this discomfort, this ache, it’s a reminder.

It’s proof that my heart still knows where home is.

It’s proof that faith still lives inside me even when I feel distant.

It’s proof that Allah has not abandoned me, even when I feel like I’ve abandoned Him.

And maybe the first step back doesn’t have to be perfect.

Maybe it just has to be small.

One ayah.

One prayer on time.

One quiet dua between tasks.

One breath where I remember that this dunya was never meant to take all of me.

Maybe that’s how I make my life better, not by slowing down success, but by remembering Who gave me success in the first place.

I’m Still Learning How to Hold Both: Ambition and Faith

I’m learning that building a life and nurturing my soul don’t have to be opposing forces. I’m learning that Allah never asked me to be perfect, only to return. I’m learning that guilt can shape you or it can suffocate you, it depends on how gently you hold it.

And I’m learning, slowly, painfully, beautifully, that Allah sees the struggle no one else sees.

Maybe that’s enough for now. Maybe that’s the beginning of becoming better.

For the longest time, I have been wanting to go for Umrah. But that's the only place where I don't want to go alone. If you have made it this far, make a small dua for me so that Allah can bless me with the opportunity to visit his house next year. Inshallah! Until next time, Peace 🤲🏼

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