How to Find Depth in People When It Comes to Dating

Because surface-level isn’t enough anymore

Dating Feels Shallow And You’re Not the Only One Who Feels It

In a world full of dating apps, instant swipes, ghosting, and surface-level “vibes,” finding someone with emotional depth feels almost rare, it's like discovering poetry in a sea of small talk. If you’ve ever walked away from a date thinking, “They’re nice, but… there’s just nothing there,” you’re not alone. It happens to me all the time lol.

But what if the problem isn’t them or you but the way we’re all connecting?

What Does “Depth” in a Person Even Mean?

Let’s get clear: depth isn’t about being serious or overly emotional. It’s about:

• Self-awareness

• Empathy

• Curiosity about the world and others

• The ability to reflect, grow, and open up intentionally

  
  

A deep person doesn’t just tell you what they do, they’ll tell you why they do it. They won’t just respond, they’ll engage.

1. Ask Better Questions and Don’t Be Afraid to Go First

Small talk has its place, but if you want to go deeper, try asking things like:

• “What’s something that’s changed the way you see life?”

• “When do you feel most like yourself?”

• “What’s something you’re currently trying to heal from?”

  
  

Bonus tip: Lead with vulnerability. Share something meaningful and see how they respond, it often opens the door to a realer conversation.

2. Look for Substance Over Spark

That instant chemistry is nice but sustainable depth often reveals itself slowly. Instead of chasing butterflies, notice:

• How they treat people around them

• How they talk about their past relationships or family

• How curious they are about you beyond your job or looks

  
  

Remember: surface-level attraction fades. Shared values, intellectual stimulation, emotional maturity? That’s the stuff real relationships are built on.

3. Observe How They Handle Discomfort

True depth shows up in difficult moments.

How do they respond when:

• A plan gets canceled?

• You share something vulnerable?

• You disagree with them?

  
  

If they can’t sit in honest conversation or navigate uncomfortable truths, you’ll constantly find yourself shrinking to maintain peace instead of building connection.

4. Watch Out for Fake Depth

Not everyone who talks about trauma, astrology, or philosophy is emotionally deep.

Real depth isn’t performative. It’s not about having the “right” opinions, it’s about how someone treats you, how they process emotions, and how self-aware they really are.

5. Be the Depth You Want to Attract

This one might sting but it’s powerful.

If you want meaningful connection, you have to:

• Slow down

• Stop settling for surface-level validation

• Be present, intentional, and curious

The people who are meant for you won’t be turned off by your depth, they’ll meet you there.

Conclusion: Shallow Isn’t Satisfying Anymore

The truth is, you can’t force depth out of someone who isn’t willing to go there. But you can set the tone. You can protect your energy. And you can choose to keep showing up as someone who wants real, even in a world that often glorifies “casual.”

Because at the end of the day you're not asking for too much. You're just asking the wrong people.

Want more raw reflections like this? Follow @WalkWithZ for blogs on modern love, identity, and emotional growth.

Until next time, Peace 💖

#DatingWithDepth #IntentionalDating #EmotionalMaturity #HealingWhileLoving #ConsciousConnections #SoftGirlEra #WalkWithZ #AskBetterQuestions #SelfGrowthInLove