Early Dating Expectations: What’s Realistic vs. Unrealistic in a New Relationship?

So, you’ve met someone new.

Butterflies? Check.

Late-night texts? Check.

Overly Obsessed? Check.

Overanalyzing every little thing? Oh, absolutely.

The early stages of seeing someone are a whirlwind—equal parts exciting and nerve-wracking. But here’s the thing: your expectations can make or break this phase and keep you stuck in an endless cycle of talking stages. Let’s talk about what’s realistic and what’s just a rom-com fantasy setting you up for disappointment.

Early Dating Realistic Expectations

Consistent Communication (But Not 24/7 Texting)

It’s normal to expect some consistency in communication—whether it’s daily check-ins or a few texts throughout the day. But don’t expect someone to be glued to their phone. People have lives, and the quality of the conversation matters more than constant availability.

Pro Tip: Bonus green flag if their communication is not good for sometime and they explain the reason behind it.

Some Level of Effort & Initiative

They should be showing interest, planning dates, and making an effort to get to know you. If you’re always the one initiating, that’s a red flag. Early dating should feel balanced—both people should be equally invested.

Pro Tip: Effort doesn't have to be always something physical. It could be something as small as a text, a quick call to catch up or them sending you a meme that reminded them of you.

A Gradual Emotional Connection

Falling for someone overnight? Sounds dreamy, but in reality, emotional connections take time. It’s okay to be excited, but don’t expect deep intimacy within a few weeks. Let it build naturally.

Pro Tip: It's totally normal to go through ups and down in the initial phase of seeing someone. It's the natural part of an emotional connection.

Clarity, Not Labels (Yet)

You don’t have to define the relationship on date two, but you should have some clarity on where it’s heading. If they’re dodging the “What are you looking for?” question entirely, that’s a sign to proceed with caution.

Pro Tip: Someone who doesn't know what they want is normally going to use you as their experiment so run when you hear this.

Early Dating Unrealistic Expectations

Immediate Exclusivity

Unless you both explicitly agree to be exclusive from the start, assume they’re still keeping their options open—just like you should. Jumping to conclusions about commitment too early can lead to disappointment.

Pro Tip: Even if they choose to be exclusive, do not feel pressured to be exclusive. Remember, you are trying to find "your" person, and it's okay to be a little selfish in this process.

Reading Minds & Perfect Behavior

No one is perfect. They might take a little longer to text back, misinterpret something you said, or not plan the “perfect” date. Cut them some slack—early dating is a learning curve.

Pro Tip: Especially if it's their first time dating, they may not know about the normal expectations. The key in this situation will be to look out for whether this person has a coachable mindset. If they just turn everything into a fight, RUN.

Bonus: A manipulative mindset or gaslighting should not be tolerated.

Instant Over-the-Top Romance

Movies have conditioned us to expect grand gestures right away—rose petals, candlelit dinners, love confessions in the rain. In reality, romance often starts small. If they’re showing up, putting in effort, and treating you well, that’s what truly matters.

Pro Tip: Trust your intuition; it never lies, especially if you are a woman. Our bodies have a special way of communicating things to us.

They’ll “Fix” You or Fill a Void

A new relationship won’t magically heal loneliness, past heartbreak, or self-esteem struggles. It should add to your happiness, not be the sole source of it.

Pro Tip: Look out for patterns in the other person's behavior. Does it look like they have unhealed trauma? Does it look like they can either talk to a professional or you about it? Do certain words trigger them? You may be signing up to become a involuntary therapist.

In Conclusion

The early stages of dating should feel exciting, not anxiety-inducing. In my experience, there shouldn't be any confusion about how that person feels about you. Their actions should speak for how they feel about you.

Having expectations is normal—but make sure they’re rooted in reality, not fantasy. The right person will meet you at your level without you having to lower your standards or force things. The right person will also try to learn about your likes and dislikes and will do everything in their control to make you feel you're the only one in the world.

So, enjoy the ride, trust the process, and most importantly—stay true to yourself.

What are some expectations you’ve had in the early dating phase? Did they help or hurt your experience? Let’s chat in the comments! 👇

Until next time, Peace ❤️

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