Breaking Free from Desi Marriage Pressure. Why It’s Okay to Take Your Time
- Zahra Khan
- May 9
- 2 min read
The Unspoken Pressure to Settle Down in Desi Culture
If you’re a South Asian woman, chances are you’ve heard the infamous question:
"Beta, when are you getting married?"
It starts subtly, at weddings, family gatherings, or even casual phone calls with relatives. But as you hit your mid-20s (or even earlier), the pressure to settle down becomes impossible to ignore.
In Desi culture, marriage isn’t just a milestone, it’s an expectation. A woman’s success is often measured by how quickly she transitions from daughter to wife. But what if that’s not your timeline? What if you’re still building your career, chasing your dreams, or simply waiting for the right person?
The Emotional Toll of Marriage Pressure
The pressure to settle down isn’t just about marriage, it’s about meeting cultural expectations at the cost of your own happiness. Many of us struggle with:
💔 Feeling "left behind" as friends and cousins get married
💔 Guilt for prioritizing career or personal growth over marriage
💔 Fear of disappointing family members who just “want what’s best”
💔 The stigma of being single past a certain age in Desi communities
But here’s the truth: There is no “right age” for marriage. There is only the right time for you.
Why It’s Okay to Take Your Time
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to settle down, remember this:
You are not behind. You are on your own timeline.
✔️ Marriage is a choice, not an achievement. Your worth isn’t defined by your relationship status.
✔️ Rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons can lead to lifelong unhappiness. Choosing yourself is never selfish.
✔️ The right person will come at the right time. Love isn’t about a deadline, it’s about finding someone who truly values you.
Final Thoughts: Live Life on Your Own Terms
Desi culture has many beautiful traditions, but the pressure to marry early shouldn’t define your happiness. Take your time. Choose what’s right for you. Because at the end of the day, it’s your life, your story, and your rules. And lastly, nobody died marrying late, but people did die marrying the wrong person.
Until next time, Peace 💖
I truly appreciate your thoughts on the subject. However, don't you think we overthink sometimes in finding the right person for us. A dream person who has all the best qualities and end up finding no one. Consequently, you end up with someone your family has chosen for you(non-negotiable/ pressured decision). So why not trust the family choice in the very beginning. Talking about right person at the "right time"; the pressure after mid 20s is so unbearable, how would it be after 30s lol. Don't you think there is a limit to the "right time" which our culture allows because after that you just can't withstand the tag of "kaafi umer ki lagri/ lagra".